Fire! Fire!

Today was the annual October H.D. Fire Safety Event and the boys had a blast making their own fire rescue helicopters, snacking, and playing on the local fire trucks. The weather was beautiful and it was the perfect day to be outside. Preston even made a new friend; they were both mighty fond of each other.  Check him out in the bottom pics...

Ahoy!

Do I regret having four kids?

That was the question my husband asked me the other night. The day that I totally lost it on our children. Thursday. In short, the answer is no. Absolutely not.  It has NEVER crossed my mind! Things have been so rough here lately. With three boys in school, myself in college, and a baby at my feet, afternoons, specifically homework time (3-6 pm), have been unbearable. No one ever wants to do their homework. Cullen's homework (in sixth grade advanced studies) takes him over three hours a night to do. He has to do it in his room because the rest of the house is so hectic and chaotic, and I honestly don't know what he is doing in there.  I have to sporadically check in on him, when I remember to.  At the end of the night, his answers are sometimes wrong, and they need to be erased and redone.  Aiden needs me to sit next to him and spell words out as he writes sentences (which he does not enjoy), and he needs to read to me.  Roman, well he needs someone to basically DO his homework at the age of four, as he is not great at finding objects in magazines, cutting them out, and pasting them in order correctly on the notebook page.  And then there's my homework!
The back talking, growling, hissing, fighting, fits, and everything else negative that is happening in this house, drove me over the edge Thursday.  I lost it on my children, yelled (and cursed) like an insane maniac.  I told them I could care less what they do with their life, they can fail and it's on them to repeat the grade, not me, and that I no longer would bother with trying to help them succeed (to put it all nicely).  I then called Jude at work, sobbing, telling him to come home before I did anything else stupid in the parenting department.  They won!  The little midget bullies in my home conquered me.  I was angry for the next 12 hours or so, though I did fit an apology in that evening to my poor, disturbed, children.  But, I have held a grudge the past four days and can feel a tiny distance between me and the boys.  I hate it.  I absolutely hate it. 
Jude was upset, concerned, and in desperate need of an immediate answer.  He tried talking to me that night, but it was of no use.  The following day, he came home early from work and informed me he had made an appointment with a family therapist; one to lead us in the right direction in this parenting saga.  I was a little upset at first.  In fact, it bothered me for days.  Until today.  Today was the appointment day and I sat in the office with my arms and legs crossed, sipping my Starbucks frap.  I wanted to see where this was going to go, but not necessarily "be there".  After 20 minutes of being in the room, I noticed my arms were unfolded, my drink was done, and I was talking.  Maybe being there wasn't such a bad idea.  The therapist had already suggested something I hadn't thought of in my time of desperation...a reward chart for doing homework.  The ol' positive reinforcement scenario.  She also said a few other things that made me look at it all differently.  I came home with a completely different attitude.  I made up a chart for all three boys that consisted of BEHAVIOR, CHORES, HOMEWORK, and EXTRA CREDIT.  We have a system!  We had a family meeting tonight following dinner, and after, I wrote up a contract.  They will sign this tomorrow.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I will no longer reward my children, unless it is earned.  Everything will be earned and/or taken away.  I will not be treated with disrespect and tortured.  Homework fights are over.  So is the back talking, sibling rivalry, disobedience, and tantrums.  I am taking back over control!  One of the things Jude and I have to do for therapy homework is to write a list of what we consider to be a good parent.  Should be a piece of cake.  I may post that later when it is done.
I have a few underlying issues with Jude and his parenting role.  One is-he is way too lenient and does not correct our children like he should.  I am the disciplinarian.  He is the passive parent.  No one ever really listens to him, and he doesn't seem as bothered by it as I do.  I feel like I am always picking up his slack.  Two is-he says, way too often, that we don't spend enough time with our kids.  THAT drives me nuts!  My entire life is centered around my children.  There are cub scouts, football practices and martial arts, Monday through Friday.  Every Friday evening is family night, which consists of pizza and a movie, or some other fun family thing.  That's been in affect for over a year.  Bedtime stories are read 6 out of 7 nights a week, always have been.  Dinner is eaten at the table together EVERY night; all 6 of us.  We attend church together at the church THEY want to attend, plus catechism on Sundays.  We also will fit in a weekend family fun day almost every weekend.  I am on the PTO at both schools, a room leader for my Pre-K student, home every afternoon when they get home from school, and we still find time to interact and play with them.  Yet, he feels we do not spend enough "time" with them.  That is something he needs to work out within himself, and I hope he can knock that out during one of our future therapy visits.  I think we spend TOO much time with them.  lol  WE need more alone time! We are doing the best we can with four rambunctious boys, but every now and then, we all need a little help.  I guess that is sometimes hard to accept, like admitting you are not doing that great of a job, when performing the most important job you will ever have in your life.  I'm glad I have Jude by my side.  There is such a long road ahead...

PS-I don't write this for you to judge me.  I write this to remember the hard times, so the good times will feel that much better.  I am not the only parent that has lost it on their children, and I hope this helps someone else maybe going through the same thing.

Summer Vacation 2011--Finding Fun

Day 2
Today we woke up to more rain. Rain, rain, rain!

We ate breakfast and then tried to wait the rain out, all the while trying to make backup plans in case it stayed.

After my nice little morning workout (yay for me!), we chose to head to the movies at the Wharf,

with the kids kicking and screaming. Well, so did everyone else; more chaotic traffic. The movie ticket line was long, and in the rain might I add. After standing in line for a good twenty minutes, I had the bright idea to ditch the movies and head across the street to Laser Tag. A bright idea it was!

The boys had a great time, and so did we.

So much better than a packed movie, and for $88, about the same price. After, we went home for leftover pizza and stared out the window, wishing the clouds away. Around 4:30 pm, it semi-cleared up. It was windy and a bit chilly, but we were determined to play in the water. We went out to the beach and pool for about two hours and the boys had a blast. Although it rained basically the entire day, we managed to fit in some good, family fun and today was much better than yesterday. We ended the evening with Cullen getting his annual henna tattoo. He got two this time; the Monster logo and Fox motocross logo. Thank God that child can not get permanent tattoos at this age! He would be a walking billboard.
Anyway, if our days continue at this rate, the day we leave may be the best day yet:)

Summer Vacation 2011--Far From Perfect

Day 1
Today we left home for a week in the sunny state of Florida. "Sunny" being the key word! We even rented our condo from a lady named Sunshine. I was positive it would be a hot week of fun and sun. So, where is this beautiful thing called SUN?! We drove through tons of rain to get here. Rain, shine, rain, shine...sunglasses on, off, on, off....it was annoying and traffic sucked. The kids aggravated each other the entire way here, which in turn, aggravated me. Lunch at our favorite travel restaurant, Cracker Barrel, was decent and a nice little break. By the time we arrived three states over, attitudes changed and everyone was happy...for about an hour. We unpacked, attempted some rainy memories at the beach and the pool, and then we went to eat at Lillian's Pizza. I was so stressed out by the time we ordered (and starved), I shed a few tears. Seriously. This isn't the "vacation" I envisioned. This was hell. I ordered a glass of wine, had yet another talk with the children about their behavior, and hoped for the best while leaving my 'perfect vacation week' expectations behind.
Walmart was next on the list and we were checking out at the registers at midnight. More misery. I tried to go alone, but every time I mentioned going somewhere alone, Jude would state "It's a family vacation and we do stuff together as a family". Aaack! I bought a good book titled "The Help" (I haven't read a fictional book since my teen years) and ended the evening lying in bed reading it, praying for a better tomorrow.

(*PRD is staying with Jude's parents this week. I miss him madly!!)

If I die before I wake...

Who in the hell is going to take care of my four boys?! (Well, Jude would have to have died too, of course.) Assuming Cullen's dad is still alive, he would want Cullen. That leaves three boys (whom I wouldn't want to separate in the first place). Jude and I have discussed this time and time again, and it's not that we don't agree on anyone, we just have no idea WHO to choose. It would be like a death sentence to whomever we picked. No winning! Both sets of our parents are in their mid-sixties and three out of four are handicapped to some degree from accidents or past surgeries. I feel as if we would be ruining their lives. I know we would. Jude is an only child, and I have one older sister. To say we are not close is an understatement. She doesn't even like to hold my boys at holidays because "they're germ carriers". She has one teenage son who is almost out of the house. She's done. So here I am, laying in bed, wondering about the worst case scenario. Both sets of our parents have said that they would want them, but how do you choose? When you do decide, do you tell the set that you didn't pick, or do you wait until you are dead and gone, then cause them more pain? How do you even start to create a custody arrangement on children YOU chose to have? Our parents would all be eighty-something before the last boy left the house. That's insane to think about! I'm looking for that magic answer and wasting time as the years go by with no legal plan. Any ideas or advice? Any takers? <---That was a joke!

THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT MEN IN MY LIFE!

Thanksgiving 2010

A few people that I am most thankful for...

Growing up, all I ever wanted in life was to fall in love and live happily ever after. Seriously. I didn't dream of getting a big job position or earning a title in the business field. Money has never mattered to me. I'm not materialistic, though I do enjoy some modern things;) I remember a guy (some strange date once) asked me what I wanted out of life. I don't think I had given it much thought before that night, as I was young, eighteen. I vividly remember we were on the beach in Florida, it was late, and my answer was...a husband, a nice three bedroom house, two cars in the driveway, and a couple kids. Some might say that wasn't dreaming big, but I am a romantic at heart and all I hoped for was that perfect mate. Hoped. I dated many turkeys back in my time, and though I didn't always make the best decisions, I somehow always came out OK. (I must have had a guardian angel somewhere.) I learned from many of those experiences, and there were many experiences. lol No two relationships were the same. There were no patterns. I never had a "type". I liked tall, dark and handsome, but always found myself with guys very similar looking to Jude (not tall, not dark!). I think God was just preparing me for what was to come.
This Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. Jude is at the top of my list. HE is what I was always searching for. The day I met him, I knew he was the one, we just had many years added in there to build a friendship and get to know each other. My life was very messy back then. We took our sweet time getting to know each other and that is something I had never done before. Now, we have a relationship like no other. We were newlyweds the first five years of our marriage. That's a great start! I knew going into this marriage what I was looking for and he has fulfilled every hope and desire. You may have an impressive degree, the finer things in life, or a super duper fancy title...but I have all I have ever wanted right here at home: an amazing husband, and four handsome little men that I hope grow up to be wonderful husbands just like their father, as he leads by example. I believe everything happens for a reason! (I met this person, so I could meet the next person, and the next, and so on. I took this job instead of that job for a reason that led me to this time in my life, etc.) I can literally trace back all the steps to that night back on the beach talking to that guy, that led me to right here, right now. All my blessings in my life today have to do with family and friends. Thank you, Jude, just for being you. Thank you, God, for gifting him to me.

Welcome Preston!

Two weeks and some days ago the sweetest little man was born to complete our family and make us a six pack. Preston Rene arrived September 14, 2010, with a little help called inducing. He was stubborn leaving my womb, but oh-so-precious at his arrival. 8.15 lbs and 21.25 inches. He was long and skinny. The first thing he did was stretch his legs out and pee on me. Great first impression! The hospital has this new skin-to-skin thing they do, so they immediately layed him on me, where he stayed for at least an hour. He didn't cry much, and surprisingly, neither did I. That's a first! No tears. We were so content just cuddling. He roomed in with us. I wanted him as much as possible. Reason being, I knew when I got home there would be no more one-on-one alone time. I attempted breastfeeding for the first time also. When we left the hospital, my new baby had a bad case of jaundice. He was yellow. His skin, eyes, mouth, everywhere. We had to go to the doctors office, and even the hospital lab (on Sunday) to test his levels daily. By his one week birthday, they were down to a good level and we were done worrying about that. All my boys were born with it, but none had it as bad as Preston.
His older brothers adore him! He was a hit the moment he was carried in the front door. He is really a good baby, too. He likes to stay up late and sleep in late. This morning I had to wake him after 4 1/2 hours of sleep to feed him. He was out! His nicknames so far from mommy are Press-Press, Sticks, and PRD (pronounced PURD). Sticks because he loves to stick his little skinny legs out and stretch, just like he did when he came out the womb. At times, it looks like he is doing pilates. So cute! Not related, he also like s to throw both arms up in the air randomly, like he is riding a roller coaster. It is usually when he is startled. There are times we do not remember his name, sadly. It's not that we draw a blank, we just call him Roman, over and over. Tonight, we were checking out at Party City and I heard Jude talking so sweet to him, and he's calling him Roman in their private conversation. I think he is going to be so confused in a year if we do not straighten that out!
Preston is perfect! He is our last edition/addition and he is the missing puzzle piece to this family of all boys and one queen B.

The sex talk, minus the sex

Friday night is family movie night at our house, a tradition we just recently started. Tonight we rented "Look Who's Talking" so the boys could see a newborn baby with his "daily thoughts". Anyway, as soon as the movie started, you have the sperm swimming to the egg. From that point on, Cullen tried to ask a million questions during the entire movie. I tried to fast forward through a few parts, including the opening, but that didn't stop him. I told him to hold all his questions until the movie was over, and for when his brothers weren't around. Then Aiden chimes in, "We're ALWAYS going to be around!". So sorry we picked this movie! When it was over, it was late, almost eleven, and I told Jude to have a seat because I was not doing this sex talk alone. I already knew the questions to expect for the most part, but I was SURE he was going to ask about the birds and the bees. We haven't had that talk yet. He's ten.
So, Cullen starts the conversation off asking if those were sperm. "Yes, they were."
C: "What were they doing?"
Me: "Swimming to the egg."
C: "The woman has the egg?" "Yes."
C: "How do they know to come out?"
Me: Thinking logically, I said "Gravity". I was thinking the wrong way.
Jude: "When a man and woman are married, the sperm just know that it is time to come out."
C: "Then how come people who aren't married have babies?"
Me: "Because you can do anything you want to do with your life, but there will be CONSEQUENCES! Some people make the wrong decisions before marriage."
C: Starts going through a list of young people he knows that are single parents.
Me: "Do any of those people have wonderful family lives or do they struggle taking care of their child alone?"
C: "Struggle." I gave him a few examples.
Me: "You can do anything you want, in the end, it is your decision, your life, and you are the one who will suffer the consequences." I then brought God into the conversation and also informed him that just because the girl has the baby doesn't mean she will raise it. He could end up raising the child, and I told him to look at his little brothers as examples of how demanding children can be. You don't get a break. They are permanent.
The conversation continued with questions about sperm donors, enemas, and lesbians; not in that order.
Jude tried to answer the sperm donation question and it started off with "A man puts his sperm in a jar...". I almost fell out my chair to stop him. I told Cullen it is a very technical medical procedure and is something he can wait to learn about later on in life. There is a such thing as TMI.
The entire talk was an awkward conversation to say the least, but he did not once ask about the actual act of "sex", and it was too late in the night for me to dive into it. My brain was half off. I am a little worried he may already know things I don't want him to know from his peers.
My parents didn't have the birds and the bees talk with me until it was too late. I don't want that for him, but I am also clueless in this area on what to say. I think I need a book of some kind. Any suggestions?

(Let me just end this post with, as an adult, I am aware of many healthy, wonderful, families who are headed by single parents, but I am not about to fill my young child's head with stuff I do not want for him. I only pray he does not knock up some teenage girl, which could make me a grandparent in the next three to nine years.)

Summer is done!

Another non-blogging month long hiatus and I am ready for story time again.

Cullen started school last week. He is an "old and wise" fifth grader now. (At least that is what he would like to believe.)
Aiden's first day of school was today, my big kindergartner.

They were drawing pictures of themselves. Notice the yellow hair Aiden has drawn. First thing. That is how he identifies himself in every self portrait. I love it!


Time just flies on by, and this time next year, Roman will be entering into the Spanish Immersion program his brother is in. They will be talking about me in Spanish in no time, I just know it.
The good news is I survived the summer, and no one was harmed. Bonus! Having just Roman home today was nice. Very nice. We even took a nap together in my bed. Jude has been on vacation all week and home from work. He has cleaned the house from top to bottom and taken care of majority of the household duties, while I have sat and watched television, leaving nothing left on the TiVo to watch. The last couple weeks of being pregnant has caused me quite a few issues and Jude doesn't want me to do ANYTHING, though I think bed rest would drive me absolutely nuts. It is HARD to sit and do nothing all day. Jude is the greatest husband a girl could ever ask for! I hope my boys are learning from him:)

Just...can't...stop...

SEWING! It is so fun to create all these cute burp cloths and very relaxing to sew. This morning I took the three boys to Krispy Kreme for breakfast and we dined inside and watched them make the donuts, which we've never done together. After, we went over to the library and played, checked some books out, and met up with the Castillo's. We then headed to a fabric store to pick out some cute(r) fabric and ribbons since I've semi-completed ten and still had fourteen more to do. Amy was a big help in picking out some designs. It's like having four eyes instead of two. She also has different tastes than I do, so she sees cute patterns that I may overlook. We make a great team:) We headed to our house with some lunch. Then we went down to another fabric store for more fabric quarters and ribbons. I am really beginning to love this new hobby. Here are the latest creations. I cannot wait to embroider little Preston's name (or initials) on them!
This is the basic look of the cloths opened up.
Love the blue and white polkas with yellow trim

A fave: the brown designs on the blue, with the brown ribbon trim

Pirates ahoy! A treasure map with black and white polkas for trim

Another fave: Ships, labeled by type under them, with dark blue and white polkas

Boy pattern all the way with different wheels, trimmed in dark blue and white polkas

I really want to make some girly ones, so when I am done with Preston's, I may just do that for the fun of it.

To induce, or not to induce

That is the question on my mind as I approach thirty weeks. Let's start here:
Cullen, my first born, was due November 17, 1999. The day came and went and he decided that wasn't HIS day. He waited five more days and at about four in the morning on November 22, he decided to put me in labor. My water didn't break but I could feel the contractions. I woke my then-husband up and we were on our way to the hospital. They broke my water there and I was in labor for twenty plus hours. It was miserable! There were two nurses pushing down on my stomach each time I pushed, trying to push the booger out. I had no idea he was so big, or I would have asked for a c-section. Cullen was 10 pounds, 5 ounces. My body hurt for days and the recovery sucked. There was an epidural and then after many, many hours, another hit to the back of epidural meds. I threw up during delivery and passed out right after. I had sworn I wasn't having anymore kids for at least a year after that. Once the memory faded, I eventually wanted more.
Five years later I was remarried and pregnant again. I shared with my new doctor my past experience and she said we could induce two weeks early. I was due April 1, 2005 and I went in for induction on March 18, 2005. Talk about a piece of cake! Aiden was 8 pounds, 9 ounces. When the doctor was cutting the cord, I was on video saying "That was easy. I could do this again!". And we did. Two years, two months later.
Roman was also taken two weeks early from the womb by induction. Roman was 9 pounds, 2 ounces. Also, a very easy delivery for me. Always lots of drugs involved.
Jude loves inducing. He can plan his work schedule around it and vacation time. I remember being in the doctor's office with Jude, pregnant for Roman, and the doctor said she could induce tomorrow. Before I could say anything, Jude's reply was "I have some things to take care of at work. What other days do you have?". I was so pissed, yet sat there in shock. I think we ended up scheduling it a few days later, but I let Jude have it in the car and called the doctor to change it back to the following day. How dare he?! Was he the one going in to deliver a baby?! I look back now and laugh. Jude has always gone to every baby doctor appointment with me. I think it's cute. That day he could have stayed his ass home!
What bothers me is this is our last baby and I want to feel my water break, or at least my contractions come on naturally again. I want Jude to experience the excitement of it all too, as he hasn't before. Grabbing stuff running out the door, driving fast, the pain I will complain about... I asked my doctor about not inducing this time (only if I pass my due date) and she was encouraging. She said the first child is always hard, and though she is pretty sure I will have another big baby, it shouldn't be as traumatic. I just wonder if, as the time nears, I will change my mind, or if I am even making the right decision. Is the naturally brought on labor experience really all worth it? Should I induce and spare my (fill in the blank) the extra pound or two, and have an almost guaranteed easier delivery, well planned and all? I mean, what if he comes so fast there is NO time for an epidural? I would rather die!! Should I let Preston pick when he is ready to enter the world? Trying to weigh my options here and I'm not sure what the right choice is.

If I had a pair, I'd want to know more about cars!

Jude came home last week with an issue. He usually does have issues. (I say that lovingly.) His SUV was making a funny sound, like there may have been a bad squeaky belt, and he asked that I take it over to the local mechanic shop the following day. We both have our own mechanics we like to use. Mine is in the neighborhood and his is the next town over. Now, I am used to a little bit of car luxury these days and riding in his SUV is one of my least favorite things to do. The air gets cool (not cold) and he makes a mess in it, which I'm not there to clean. There is no DVD player, no XM radio, no cleanliness, yadda yadda yadda. So, I drive it over to the shop the following day, Tuesday, and it's CLOSED. Closed till the following Monday. Guess who has to drive the Big Dick around for the week? Yes, me...while he gets to drive my baby, Big Betty. Why? Oh, what if something should happen on the interstate? That's the reason I'm given. I really stayed in the house a lot with all three children, as to not use his truck. That's a little piece of hell, right there.
Monday (today) comes and I drive over to the mechanic. Now, they know me there by now because I always bring Jude's truck in with issues. Not mine. Issues Jude sends me with. There is a guy there, we will call him G, and G always ends up waiting on me. He looks like he is straight out of an 80's video, with the long hair, tan, grease look. Think, Billy Joel, Uptown Girl video. I get there and of course the belt is not squeaking. (It hadn't been all week when I drove it.) I tell G that there is a belt that is making noise, not right now, but it was last week, and I needed to see about getting it changed. He tells me pop the hood, he looks, says the belt is fine, closes the hood, and goes to send me on my way. Now, I have to ask the million questions Jude is going to ask me...
"Why is it squeaking?"
"Can I oil it?"
"Which belt is it? Like, what does the belt do exactly?"
"Etc. Etc."
Now, I am beginning to think ol' G thinks I have a thing for him, because Jude sends me there more than I need to go. How idiotic did I look today?
Last time I went, I asked G to put some freon in the SUV because the air doesn't get very cold, and he checked it and said the freon was full. How is that?
Well, the time before that, I asked G to put freon in it with a repair kit Jude purchased from Auto Zone because it was blowing hot air, and G did it for free. Yes, Jude made me bring my own freon to a repair shop that sells freon. I think G just felt sorry for me...look at this poor lady with three kids in a '99 Suburban bringing freon here. lol
I hope I do not need to see G for a very long time!
As I was stuck with the Big Dick today (Jude's SUV), the boys played their Wii game and painted some beautiful photos while we were avoiding the heat inside.
Tomorrow, I get my freedom back!

Here's some crack...go play!

Desperate times call for desperate measures! I am running out of ideas for the children to keep them entertained this summer. Just yesterday we went to a local bounce house

and it was $26 for all three boys to jump for not quite two hours. That is crazy to do more than twice a month on my stay-at-home-mom budget. I feel like I am just giving money away, with nothing to show for it.
As you may know, Aiden has a love and addiction for video games (a.k.a. crack), but more for computer games these days. We have limited his play time to just the weekends starting on Fridays, then it went to just Saturday and Sunday; and just recently we've taken the computer away all together. Lego.com is dangerously fascinating to him! Last night I decided to purchase Toy Story 3 for them. It was $50, equal to four hours/two days of bounce play. I think I may give them one hour each day to play with a timer, which gives them something to do indoors while it is sweltering hot outside, or raining. I am going to be honest and say that it is very hard to keep my three children entertained at all hours of the day, ALL summer. I value our quality time together, I do. I also feel a total disconnect from the outside world as I have children under my feet and in my hair non-stop all day, every day. But today, I feel like an enabler to Aiden. I feel guilt. Defeated. At the same time, I feel peace and quiet at this very moment while they are all playing the Wii so well together. Okay, Roman just watches, but he doesn't know what he is missing...yet.
It was so cute earlier, I made finding the Wii game into a scavenger hunt. I placed notes throughout the house and told Cullen he could only read them and hint to where to go and to let Aiden find the next note. Well, by the third note, Roman was onto what was going on and he grabbed the note. Aiden got a little upset, but was ready to find the next one. As Cullen read it, the word "tub" was actually written in it, and Roman took off before Aiden could and grabbed the second to last note. Aiden was so upset. At that second, I wasn't sure how a fun game turned into sibling rivalry. I kept Roman back as the last note was read and the prize was found. There were three very happy little boys then!

Here are a few pics from this week...
The day Roman ate his entire peanut butter sandwich at lunch goes down in the books!

Aiden, with his favorite Shrek glass that was recalled the day after we bought it. It's still here.

Sprinkler/slide fun

A baby pool for my baby

Playing games with Cullen