That was the question my husband asked me the other night. The day that I totally lost it on our children. Thursday. In short, the answer is no. Absolutely not. It has NEVER crossed my mind! Things have been so rough here lately. With three boys in school, myself in college, and a baby at my feet, afternoons, specifically homework time (3-6 pm), have been unbearable. No one ever wants to do their homework. Cullen's homework (in sixth grade advanced studies) takes him over three hours a night to do. He has to do it in his room because the rest of the house is so hectic and chaotic, and I honestly don't know what he is doing in there. I have to sporadically check in on him, when I remember to. At the end of the night, his answers are sometimes wrong, and they need to be erased and redone. Aiden needs me to sit next to him and spell words out as he writes sentences (which he does not enjoy), and he needs to read to me. Roman, well he needs someone to basically DO his homework at the age of four, as he is not great at finding objects in magazines, cutting them out, and pasting them in order correctly on the notebook page. And then there's my homework!
The back talking, growling, hissing, fighting, fits, and everything else negative that is happening in this house, drove me over the edge Thursday. I lost it on my children, yelled (and cursed) like an insane maniac. I told them I could care less what they do with their life, they can fail and it's on them to repeat the grade, not me, and that I no longer would bother with trying to help them succeed (to put it all nicely). I then called Jude at work, sobbing, telling him to come home before I did anything else stupid in the parenting department. They won! The little midget bullies in my home conquered me. I was angry for the next 12 hours or so, though I did fit an apology in that evening to my poor, disturbed, children. But, I have held a grudge the past four days and can feel a tiny distance between me and the boys. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
Jude was upset, concerned, and in desperate need of an immediate answer. He tried talking to me that night, but it was of no use. The following day, he came home early from work and informed me he had made an appointment with a family therapist; one to lead us in the right direction in this parenting saga. I was a little upset at first. In fact, it bothered me for days. Until today. Today was the appointment day and I sat in the office with my arms and legs crossed, sipping my Starbucks frap. I wanted to see where this was going to go, but not necessarily "be there". After 20 minutes of being in the room, I noticed my arms were unfolded, my drink was done, and I was talking. Maybe being there wasn't such a bad idea. The therapist had already suggested something I hadn't thought of in my time of desperation...a reward chart for doing homework. The ol' positive reinforcement scenario. She also said a few other things that made me look at it all differently. I came home with a completely different attitude. I made up a chart for all three boys that consisted of BEHAVIOR, CHORES, HOMEWORK, and EXTRA CREDIT. We have a system! We had a family meeting tonight following dinner, and after, I wrote up a contract. They will sign this tomorrow. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will no longer reward my children, unless it is earned. Everything will be earned and/or taken away. I will not be treated with disrespect and tortured. Homework fights are over. So is the back talking, sibling rivalry, disobedience, and tantrums. I am taking back over control! One of the things Jude and I have to do for therapy homework is to write a list of what we consider to be a good parent. Should be a piece of cake. I may post that later when it is done.
I have a few underlying issues with Jude and his parenting role. One is-he is way too lenient and does not correct our children like he should. I am the disciplinarian. He is the passive parent. No one ever really listens to him, and he doesn't seem as bothered by it as I do. I feel like I am always picking up his slack. Two is-he says, way too often, that we don't spend enough time with our kids. THAT drives me nuts! My entire life is centered around my children. There are cub scouts, football practices and martial arts, Monday through Friday. Every Friday evening is family night, which consists of pizza and a movie, or some other fun family thing. That's been in affect for over a year. Bedtime stories are read 6 out of 7 nights a week, always have been. Dinner is eaten at the table together EVERY night; all 6 of us. We attend church together at the church THEY want to attend, plus catechism on Sundays. We also will fit in a weekend family fun day almost every weekend. I am on the PTO at both schools, a room leader for my Pre-K student, home every afternoon when they get home from school, and we still find time to interact and play with them. Yet, he feels we do not spend enough "time" with them. That is something he needs to work out within himself, and I hope he can knock that out during one of our future therapy visits. I think we spend TOO much time with them. lol WE need more alone time! We are doing the best we can with four rambunctious boys, but every now and then, we all need a little help. I guess that is sometimes hard to accept, like admitting you are not doing that great of a job, when performing the most important job you will ever have in your life. I'm glad I have Jude by my side. There is such a long road ahead...
PS-I don't write this for you to judge me. I write this to remember the hard times, so the good times will feel that much better. I am not the only parent that has lost it on their children, and I hope this helps someone else maybe going through the same thing.
CHRONICLING THE DAILY LIVES OF FOUR CUTE BOYS, THEIR FATHER, AND A MOTHER TRYING TO SURVIVE IT ALL WITH A LITTLE BIT OF SANITY LEFT.
Showing posts with label down and out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label down and out. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, June 14, 2010
And there's the weight!
Pregnancy #4:
The first 18 weeks, 5 pounds. Doing good!
The last 7 weeks, add 17 pounds. Not so good! (FYI-That's about 2.5 lbs a week.)
Total: 25 weeks, 22 pounds on so far.
14 weeks left...you do the math.
Looks like this fourth pregnancy will be no different than the rest. I have always gained between 50-60 pounds for each boy, losing pretty much all of it after Cullen and Aiden with the exception of this last little rug rat, Roman. I am miserable and cannot afford to put on that much more weight!! I thought it wouldn't happen this time:(
Did I ever tell you how much I HATE being pregnant?! Oh, I said it. HATE!! I do! I just like having the newborn in my arms on it's birthday. I am not a fan of alllllll the other stuff that goes along with it. I'd give you a list, but it would probably gross a lot of people out. To all the women who say they just LOVE being pregnant, screw that. That's just crazy talk! I thought this time would be different, but it's not. I'm going to cry now...
The first 18 weeks, 5 pounds. Doing good!
The last 7 weeks, add 17 pounds. Not so good! (FYI-That's about 2.5 lbs a week.)
Total: 25 weeks, 22 pounds on so far.
14 weeks left...you do the math.
Looks like this fourth pregnancy will be no different than the rest. I have always gained between 50-60 pounds for each boy, losing pretty much all of it after Cullen and Aiden with the exception of this last little rug rat, Roman. I am miserable and cannot afford to put on that much more weight!! I thought it wouldn't happen this time:(
Did I ever tell you how much I HATE being pregnant?! Oh, I said it. HATE!! I do! I just like having the newborn in my arms on it's birthday. I am not a fan of alllllll the other stuff that goes along with it. I'd give you a list, but it would probably gross a lot of people out. To all the women who say they just LOVE being pregnant, screw that. That's just crazy talk! I thought this time would be different, but it's not. I'm going to cry now...
Friday, June 11, 2010
My horrible day
Jude was off today and I woke up at 9 a.m. to the phone ringing. It was our home alarm company stating that our side door wireless sensory battery was dying and they just wanted to let us know. Well, this is the second time in the past six months that they will need to come out and "fix" it. I then realized I was sweating something bad. The air conditioner must be broke, too. It was!! I had a hair appointment I ran off to and when I got home, I pulled in the driveway, turned the car off, got out, and closed the door. All of a sudden I felt stuff hitting me. I thought our hanging fern had broke through the bottom. Nope. I looked around to see my back quarter driver side window shattered.
The heat apparently made it explode out, and onto me. Nice. Real nice. I get in the hot house, have a seat on the recliner and try to use my Iphone to look up the glass company and I discover IT isn't working. Talk about being in a bad mood!!
Jude's uncle then came out to repair the A/C, which only needed freon, thank God. I found a glass company that can repair my car tomorrow morning, and I realized that every one's AT&T service was screwed, not just mine. Things started looking up. But, to finish the day off, our little blow up pool that gives the children hours and hours of fun (and me peace and quiet), POPPED. No more pool time fun until we buy new one. I just want to go to sleep and start the day over tomorrow. My Saturday is supposed to be a girl day by the pool on the coast. Let's hope tomorrow is better!
The heat apparently made it explode out, and onto me. Nice. Real nice. I get in the hot house, have a seat on the recliner and try to use my Iphone to look up the glass company and I discover IT isn't working. Talk about being in a bad mood!!
Jude's uncle then came out to repair the A/C, which only needed freon, thank God. I found a glass company that can repair my car tomorrow morning, and I realized that every one's AT&T service was screwed, not just mine. Things started looking up. But, to finish the day off, our little blow up pool that gives the children hours and hours of fun (and me peace and quiet), POPPED. No more pool time fun until we buy new one. I just want to go to sleep and start the day over tomorrow. My Saturday is supposed to be a girl day by the pool on the coast. Let's hope tomorrow is better!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My summer sucks! (Complaining ahead...)
Aiden has been sick since Sunday night. He has had a fever at night (and in the mornings) for four nights now. He was been chewing on his shirts until the entire front of them are soaking wet and Jude and I really thought he may be breaking in teeth. During the day, he acts fine. Well, last night Jude was about to give him some Oragel and I got a flashlight to look at his teeth. It's not his teeth, it's his throat. Puss filled, red, yucky throat. Now, Aiden and Roman get this about twice a year. It is just a sore throat with fever, and they usually pass it to each other. We take them to the doctor, they test for Strept, it comes back negative, and we go home with no medication. Today, that is exactly what happened, again. I'm drained staying home, basically locked inside, with all three little children. I want to do stuff every day! This week it is Aiden, and next week it will be Roman. Cullen is eating me out of house and home, and the not listening is making me yell. I do not know how parents do it with children that have ADHD and do not have them on some sort of medication for it. I have to tell him to stop doing things five times, in a row, all day long. Annoying his two little brothers until they scream is his top priority this summer. Then, he will turn and ask why am I fussing at him more than them. OMG!!! I may just run away before the summer is over, forget medicating myself as I have said previously.
Me: "Cullen, leave your little brother alone!" x5
Me: "Cullen, go brush your teeth." x5
Me: "Cullen, stop doing that." "Cullen, stop doing that." "Cullen, stop doing that!"...
Me: "Cullen, do not talk to me like that." x5
Me: "Cullen, who is the parent here?! I've got this!" x20
As far as eating (since med-free), he wants TWO breakfasts, TWO lunches, and TWO dinners, with snacks every hour. He has gained TWO pounds in the past week, no kidding. (What am I going to do when all four boys are in the teenage years?) He gained two pounds total all year while taking his ADHD medication. I feel like I am losing brain cells this week cooped up in the house, repeating myself over and over and over. I need a place to escape to so they can burn energy on a daily basis because this "petite" house isn't doing it.
Me: "Cullen, leave your little brother alone!" x5
Me: "Cullen, go brush your teeth." x5
Me: "Cullen, stop doing that." "Cullen, stop doing that." "Cullen, stop doing that!"...
Me: "Cullen, do not talk to me like that." x5
Me: "Cullen, who is the parent here?! I've got this!" x20
As far as eating (since med-free), he wants TWO breakfasts, TWO lunches, and TWO dinners, with snacks every hour. He has gained TWO pounds in the past week, no kidding. (What am I going to do when all four boys are in the teenage years?) He gained two pounds total all year while taking his ADHD medication. I feel like I am losing brain cells this week cooped up in the house, repeating myself over and over and over. I need a place to escape to so they can burn energy on a daily basis because this "petite" house isn't doing it.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My heart is tattered
The murder trial of my friend Brandi Hawkins Laurent is no longer scheduled two weeks away, for January 25, 2010. Today, the lawyer for LLL III requested a continuance on the murder trial and I found out about this one hour before it was scheduled to happen. I thought for sure it would get denied. It has already been two years and five months since he murdered her. Nothing new has occured in the past two years since he was arrested in January 2008. He has had the same defense attorney for the past two years. I thought there was NO WAY he would get it granted, giving all the family (and county) has had to go through. Well, guess what, it was granted! We now have to wait four more months. April 19, 2009 is the new date. I am sick. My heart hurts. I don't understand and am a tad confused about our justice system at the moment. I hope God has a plan, cause I don't see any good in this.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's a new day
I woke up this morning ready to try a new-to-us church. We had been attending church at another location (with a different religion) and I was not getting my full dose of God. Jude and I, when we met, were interested in different religions. I tried to take Jude to my church with me when we were dating, and he did attend once or twice, but he made it clear he was not interested in converting AT ALL. I loved him so that I made a promise to the (fill-in-the-blank) church to convert to (blank) religion and raise my children that way. We married there, and I (with Jude by my side) completed the (a-long-fill-in-the-blank) program. In March of 2005, I was baptised, along with Cullen, and Aiden, at a beautiful candle light Easter service. It has been almost seven years now and I have given it many many attempts. We have tried a few different (blank) churches over the years and it just isn't doing it for me. I'm starving for more! I just feel like I need lots more! More than what I am receiving each Sunday, when we actually attend.
Now, I am not one who likes to discuss politics or religion because it is a rare moment that everyone shares the same exact views, so you won't usually see me blog about it. But today I must slightly, and ever so lightly, mention it. I left the church this morning so emotionally overwhelmed. I shed lots of tears. I took a look at my life and have decided to make some changes. Yes, a little over an hour or two and it was some of the best therapy I have had in a LONG time. Guess what the topic was...depression, anxiety, and so forth. It was about Hurricane Katrina, now the fourth year anniversary, and the way we handle things in our life. Life truly is what you make of it and I am happy to have been shaken this morning. I can't wait to go back again. I haven't felt that way in YEARS.
As far as Jude and I, I told him that I would attend church at ten in the morning on Sundays where I feel I/we belong and will attend church again at five in the evenings with him and the kids, if need be. We can still attend (blank) church as a family. I can make this work. I hope he gives a lot of thought to all of this. I am sure he will. He is always so supportive of me, but religion is bigger than the both of us. A little divine intervention couldn't hurt, either.
After church, we headed to the park together and then to get ice cream.
I absolutely L-O-V-E family days! They always seem to fall on Sundays.
Friday, August 28, 2009
I live...
in the carpool lane. Yes, this morning I found a way to beat Roman's thunder stealing ways. I parked on the side of the school, left Cullen and Roman in the car while I walked Aiden into class, got back in the car and circled the block to drop Cullen off in front. Aiden needs to be at school by 8:30 and Cullen by 8:50 at the latest. Same school. Aiden needs to be picked up at 3:00 and Cullen at 3:45. See where my problem comes in? There is always a car line! In the afternoon, I end up in the car with Roman for an hour straight, trying to be sweet picking Aiden up early, so he doesn't have to chill in class until Cullen gets out. Eventually though, that will be the plan. Aiden walks in class in the mornings and doesn't look back. He is loving being a big boy. I volunteered at the school today and it was hot in the shed. I invited my mother in law to come and they had a pretty good turnout of volunteers. I got to meet a few moms and plan to do this "Friday Snack Shack" event every other week. I got to see the boys throughout the day also. We were there for four hours. It feels good doing something for the public school. I always felt like the previous private school Cullen attended took a large amount of tuition, and kept on wanting more money. More money, more money, more money! So similar to the past few Sunday church experiences we have had but that is a totally other topic! I understand the needs and all, but there is something about this new school that makes me want to give, give, give. Maybe it is because it is public/tuition free, I really don't know. I just want to be involved.
When evening came, we ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant with Nanny and Paw Paw. The place is always so loud, it drowns out my angelic children's voices and our table of seven fits right in:)
I am not feeling too upbeat these past few days and I am sure it has a lot to do with the latest medical issues I have previously discussed in my blogs. I am hoping that things start to turn around soon. I do not want to get on another med. I am just feeling, overwhelmed, I guess you could say. I need a routine. Granny is not doing so well and I am worried for her. I guess the upcoming week will consist of me driving across the lake a few extra days to stay with her. Please keep my Granny in your prayers.
Oh, and Roman has been super duper sweet. He is loving that we are hanging alone during the day. He is full of kisses, "lub lou's" and all that good stuff. I think we will do just fine on our own for the next two years!
When evening came, we ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant with Nanny and Paw Paw. The place is always so loud, it drowns out my angelic children's voices and our table of seven fits right in:)
I am not feeling too upbeat these past few days and I am sure it has a lot to do with the latest medical issues I have previously discussed in my blogs. I am hoping that things start to turn around soon. I do not want to get on another med. I am just feeling, overwhelmed, I guess you could say. I need a routine. Granny is not doing so well and I am worried for her. I guess the upcoming week will consist of me driving across the lake a few extra days to stay with her. Please keep my Granny in your prayers.
Oh, and Roman has been super duper sweet. He is loving that we are hanging alone during the day. He is full of kisses, "lub lou's" and all that good stuff. I think we will do just fine on our own for the next two years!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Blogging can be free therapy. I miss you, Brandi.
We woke up this morning and I knew I had to get out the house. I have try to make today about the kids and not fall apart. Aiden woke up asking me "Do we have any play dates today? Are we going to play with our friends?". So that we did. We went to CEC with Amy and her crew and let out tons of energy.
The kids are napping after a long afternoon of play and now I am sitting in the dark, in a quiet house, typing out to the world. I just feel beat up inside. I feel miserable. Yucky. I can't help but feel in a funk. I talked to my friend Rachael today and she is feeling the same way. It's still so fresh. We would love to have a jail visit with Leo! I want to have a discussion with him. I want to know if there is any remorse. I want to know if today's date even rings a bell with him. The last two years have been a very long two years of my life. I know I have gained a few wrinkles during this time. I don't think about this all on a daily basis anymore, but when I do, it still sucks like it was yesterday. There is a bitter part in me that won't go away. I look at people differently now. He changed my perspective on some of my friends and gave me a few new ones. He changed the way I watch the news, the extra attention I give to missing person cases and the cases I continue to follow, waiting for a better outcome than what we had. To think back to two years ago and how I was in the company of a murderer who killed my friend is bewildering. We knew he killed her, yet we put ourselves in outrageous situations to come to the truth. Once, me and a few friends went to his place and knocked on the door. We were handing out missing person fliers in his hood and thought we should stop by his place. There we are, sitting on Brandi's sofa, listening to Leo as he shows us their family albums and nervously cleaning under his nails. WTF? Why did we go there? What were we thinking? I wonder what he was thinking. I acted as if I had sympathy for him trying to get truths out of him, to no prevail. Hour long talks on the phone as he belittled my dear friend, trying to get him to slip up. Nothing. It all makes me sick to my stomach. We followed him around town on some weekends trying to see what he did daily, as we handled the missing Brandi campaign. Once, we were in front of his girlfriends house (at the time) and it was a total circle neighborhood in Diamondhead, one way in, one way out. We spotted him and we all ducked, including the driver. We drove through a lot, off the road. Then, she blew the horn on accident. Twice. We laughed so hard we almost pissed ourselves and all of us wished Brandi was with us. Rachael said it perfectly earlier...we were Brandi's puppets. She lead us where to go and we did what we were pushed to do. All of us. I look forward to seeing her on the other side, with her smirk smile, and unforgettable laugh. She had certain expressions that you can see in Bailee. I miss Bailee. I wish I could be way more involved in her daughter's lives. One day, when they are eighteen, they will have the option given to them. I have lots to share with them when they are older, including love. I loved the way Brandi would say "Nu-uhh", silly, but that is one of the things I remember, and her oldest has some of the same mannerisms. Meme had a dream with Brandi in it a few weeks ago and I wish it was me. I want Brandi to come visit me in my dreams. She did once. I am selfish and I want more. Follow Brandi's story on myspace, here!
Granny is having back surgery tomorrow, putting in a rod and four screws and doing a bone graft, fusing her back together. This should take my mind off of it all. I pray Granny has a safe and quick recovery! I will be staying with her a lot during the upcoming days, am not sure how much blogging I will be doing. Of course Granny (aka Gooney bird) doesn't have any internet. I will have to live with that.
The kids are napping after a long afternoon of play and now I am sitting in the dark, in a quiet house, typing out to the world. I just feel beat up inside. I feel miserable. Yucky. I can't help but feel in a funk. I talked to my friend Rachael today and she is feeling the same way. It's still so fresh. We would love to have a jail visit with Leo! I want to have a discussion with him. I want to know if there is any remorse. I want to know if today's date even rings a bell with him. The last two years have been a very long two years of my life. I know I have gained a few wrinkles during this time. I don't think about this all on a daily basis anymore, but when I do, it still sucks like it was yesterday. There is a bitter part in me that won't go away. I look at people differently now. He changed my perspective on some of my friends and gave me a few new ones. He changed the way I watch the news, the extra attention I give to missing person cases and the cases I continue to follow, waiting for a better outcome than what we had. To think back to two years ago and how I was in the company of a murderer who killed my friend is bewildering. We knew he killed her, yet we put ourselves in outrageous situations to come to the truth. Once, me and a few friends went to his place and knocked on the door. We were handing out missing person fliers in his hood and thought we should stop by his place. There we are, sitting on Brandi's sofa, listening to Leo as he shows us their family albums and nervously cleaning under his nails. WTF? Why did we go there? What were we thinking? I wonder what he was thinking. I acted as if I had sympathy for him trying to get truths out of him, to no prevail. Hour long talks on the phone as he belittled my dear friend, trying to get him to slip up. Nothing. It all makes me sick to my stomach. We followed him around town on some weekends trying to see what he did daily, as we handled the missing Brandi campaign. Once, we were in front of his girlfriends house (at the time) and it was a total circle neighborhood in Diamondhead, one way in, one way out. We spotted him and we all ducked, including the driver. We drove through a lot, off the road. Then, she blew the horn on accident. Twice. We laughed so hard we almost pissed ourselves and all of us wished Brandi was with us. Rachael said it perfectly earlier...we were Brandi's puppets. She lead us where to go and we did what we were pushed to do. All of us. I look forward to seeing her on the other side, with her smirk smile, and unforgettable laugh. She had certain expressions that you can see in Bailee. I miss Bailee. I wish I could be way more involved in her daughter's lives. One day, when they are eighteen, they will have the option given to them. I have lots to share with them when they are older, including love. I loved the way Brandi would say "Nu-uhh", silly, but that is one of the things I remember, and her oldest has some of the same mannerisms. Meme had a dream with Brandi in it a few weeks ago and I wish it was me. I want Brandi to come visit me in my dreams. She did once. I am selfish and I want more. Follow Brandi's story on myspace, here!
Granny is having back surgery tomorrow, putting in a rod and four screws and doing a bone graft, fusing her back together. This should take my mind off of it all. I pray Granny has a safe and quick recovery! I will be staying with her a lot during the upcoming days, am not sure how much blogging I will be doing. Of course Granny (aka Gooney bird) doesn't have any internet. I will have to live with that.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The days behind
It is 1:42 in the morning on Friday, July 10, and I sit here in the recliner with my pajamas on inside out. I know I haven't blogged in a while, but for those of you who really know me, I don't like to talk when I do not have anything good to say. Well, tonight, I have lots to say about the past few weeks. I will start with a previous blog I started to post but didn't get around to finishing...
Thursday June 18 I had my hair tended to, which was so nice. I love my hair girl! Then we had a girls night. It was a celebration for Heather's 30th birthday.
Friday June 19 we played at Amy's with the Kreemer's. I was so tired but the boys had a blast. They have the cutest friendships. That night, Jude and I were kid free for the night because Saturday I had to wake up early, so we went to Appleebee's for cheap dinner. I treasure my alone time with Jude.
Saturday June 20 I went to the Gulf Coast for Heather's "last night out". It was her bachelorette party. We had a blast doing silly things girls do. I met a group of Heather's friends that are so charming. It was a wonderful day AND NIGHT.
Sunday June 21 I woke up at 6:50 because the light was shining in my eyes, known as the sun. It was Father's Day, time to truck it back to Louisiana. The day was all about Jude. We went to his parents house in the evening and I fried shrimp to make shrimp poboys. It was a relaxing day with our Daddy.
Monday June 22 we went to a Gymrompers event with our MF's. The boys let out a lot of energy and I was "in a mood". Roman had a fruit snack stuck in his hair as we were leaving, fixed that, got in the car, drove away, and realized Roman didn't have shoes on his feet. It was one of those days. When the evening time came, it was my time to kick back and relax with my MF's and spouses. We went to a local pub and the few of us that showed up, had a nice time. I was still feeling a bit funky from the morning. Maybe it was because my PMS was coming. Or maybe it was because...
Tuesday June 23 it was Brandi's 31st birthday. I woke up, looked at the date, and felt miserable. I remember saying at her funeral service over and over (I was a bit intoxicated, I admit it) that she wasn't even thirty yet. For some reason, that really bothered me. So on her thirty first birthday, I kept thinking of all the stuff she could have accomplished by the age of thirty one, had Leo just left her and not murdered her. So I was bummed. Sometime in the morning my grandmother called me and she was in a pissy mood. It was totally the wrong day to call me with harsh words. Felt even funkier after that. Then, added to it all, some other personal event had came about from Monday and that had me in a whirlwind. I was sad, hurt, confused, mourning, angry, and a bunch of other emotions, all at the same time. I pretty much slept the whole day, dozing off and on.
Wednesday June 24 came and I couldn't make it to my MF's playdate. I was still feeling blue and detached. Amy took it for me and organized it. I stayed in my little funk.
Thursday June 25 I woke up feeling great! I announced to all the members of my mommy group I was leaving the group. I cleaned the house all day and adored my boys. Jude came home and we went to the gym together. I hadn't done that in almost two months and I have gained ten pounds:( I am ready to get back into that workout routine!
Friday June 26 is here and my good friend Heather is getting married tonight to a great guy named Eric. I am sure there will be plenty of photos to follow...
So the wedding was fantastic and Jude and I both had a great time with our friends.
Between then and now, I would say a lot more has happened. Jude turned 34 on Saturday, June 27.
We had a fun family day with the kids. Life is good at home!
As far as leaving the MMM group, well, I have a lot of reasons for doing it.
Not all, and in no order...
--I joined the group almost three years ago and attended many, many meetups. Amy and I are two out of maybe five that are left from the first few days of the group starting. At some point, all moms will have to walk away from the group. It's inevitable. My time was now.
--Aiden is four and Cullen is nine. Summer is here, and as many moms have their children in some kind of preschool or summer camp, I do not. The stress of bringing a nine year old to a Gymrompers playdate and having to "let" him play is immense. I can't exactly ask him to sit in the corner for a few hours while his brothers play. A good bit of moms are fine with him there, but there are also the few that looked totally shocked. I hate that feeling. (They know who they are and I am sure it is no one reading this blog!) One day, you will know what I am speaking of if you haven't had to experience it already.
--Aiden is always one of the oldest kids at the playdates when Cullen is not with me. He is fiery and has a temper and can often be hard to tolerate some days (this coming from his mother). For the moms that haven't had to deal with a screaming four year old toddler, it too can be shocking and jaw dropping for them. You know the look you get in the grocery store when your child is screaming crying and you just want to run out because everyone is looking in your direction; well it sucks when the people looking at you are other moms. You hope that they would understand, but then you realize many haven't experienced these moments yet.
--Ever try watching two or three kids at an event with twenty other children running around? Try it. It's impossible.
--When I joined the group three years ago, I thought Chuck E Cheese was the only thing to do in our metro area. After being a member of a great group, I have realized that there are beaucoup things to do in and around town.
--Three years ago, I may have needed advice on teething, sickness, sleepless nights, or how to potty train a toddler. After the two years of potty training with no success for my middle son, I realize there is no amount of advice that anyone can give that will change the current situation. I have to really focus on him at this time and get this situation right before school begins. For all the other advice, there's doctors.
--When I joined the group, I knew no one in the area. This is where the group really comes in handy for moms. I have made plenty of friends over the past three years to keep for a lifetime. I feel surrounded by friends in my area now, from inside and outside the group.
--This is where it gets sticky. The last few events I hosted as an event organizer, the RSVP count got high, and the closer the date of the event came, the lower the RSVP count got. My last few events (I'll say four) had the same few people out of 80+ members show. I started to take it personally and started wondering why. Who wouldn't? To this day, I am not sure why, but it doesn't bother me as much not being a member of the group. All I could do then, was guess. I do not like all the conclusions I came to. It can make someone feel insecure. It was my time to move on.
--A few years ago, the group was a very eclectic group of moms. I really enjoyed that. It was easy to sit with another mom and spend an hour or two in some type of in-depth conversation. As of now, the group is so large, you only get to graze the outside of a person. It is less intimate. I only know this because I have something else to compare it to. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing at all. It's all in personal preference.
--All in all, I feel it was my time to leave. I have three crazy boys that give me lots of entertainment and we bring the party with us. It's not like we go places unnoticed:) That can be a good thing (or a bad thing).
--As for the timing and leaving so suddenly, it was truly a personal decision; I woke up one morning and felt it was best. Amy and I joined together as best friends, and we left together. Had I given a months notice, I would have prolonged the event, or maybe even reconsidered. I knew I was doing what was right for myself and I am happy with the decision I made.
Mommy and me groups are great! I suggest every mom participate in one. If the first one isn't a good fit, try again. The experience is worth it! (Especially if you are a new parent!)
So after leaving the group, there was almost an immediate void in my life. It has nothing to do with doubting my decision, but merely the fact that this was my lifestyle for so long and there was a loss after. I felt a hole that needed filling and I decided to take up sewing. I also purchased a camera to take up some more technical photography. I plan to explore these new ventures with my children at my side instead of organizing a mommy group. I am sure a lot of people are not aware of just how much time goes into organizing, but just ask any other organizer on a bad day and they will fill you in. lol I spend way less time on the computer these days and have less worry in my life. There are lots of issues you worry about in that spot, though we probably shouldn't. What do you expect? We're women.
I also thought for a few days that I wanted to move outside of the city, where land is cheaper and the houses are bigger. I may have had Jude signed up, also. Then, I made that important choice that I struggle with often, to just be happy with what I have. I do not want to move Cullen to a new neighborhood, to a new school, again. Growing up, I went to many different schools and moved a few times and I do not wish that on anyone else, though sometimes it was even my own choice at a young age. I wish I had stayed in one neighborhood, in one school system, and "grew up" with people. Here goes:
First and Second grade, I went to private L.O.
Third and Fourth, I went to public B.E.
Fifth, I went to private L.O. again and then, halfway through, moved to MS and went to public H.N.C., where I stayed for Sixth also
Seventh I moved back to LA and went to public T.M. for a few months
I moved back to MS for the rest of Seventh and went to public H.N.C., again
I stayed there for Eighth and Ninth
Then, I moved to another part of town and went to public B.H.S. for the remainder.
Why, you may ask. Many different reasons. Never the same.
College was the same way. I have always been a sort of a nomad. No real roots anywhere, though I do have a town in MS that I like to call my home. I like(d) new experiences. I like learning my way around new towns. I get bored easily. I like(d) to move. I liked being able to learn different lifestyles. You could put me in a designer dress at a fancy dinner and I would blend. You could then put me in the country at a party out on the farm, and the same would apply. I could ride the streets of the wrong side of the tracks and walk downtown alone, and I always felt like I could blend and feel comfortable. I think that is why I am so not a judgemental person; from previous life experiences. Looking back, I wish I had real roots somewhere. I want my children to have that. Roots!
I have so much more to type but it is now 3:18 in the morning and Roman is wide awake. Another reason I haven't really been blogging is I am trying to stay away from long periods on the computer. During the day, the kids keep me stretched, and at night, Jude is home and I feel like I am stealing time from him. Here it is, in the early hours of the morning, I try to relax and do some typing therapy and one child is NOT having it.
I hope I still feel this urgency to type tomorrow and can finish up the random thoughts in my head. As for now, GOODNIGHT!
Notes for tomorrow:
Potty doctor
The phone call to my father
Real friendships
More kids?
A house, a home
Thursday June 18 I had my hair tended to, which was so nice. I love my hair girl! Then we had a girls night. It was a celebration for Heather's 30th birthday.
Friday June 19 we played at Amy's with the Kreemer's. I was so tired but the boys had a blast. They have the cutest friendships. That night, Jude and I were kid free for the night because Saturday I had to wake up early, so we went to Appleebee's for cheap dinner. I treasure my alone time with Jude.
Saturday June 20 I went to the Gulf Coast for Heather's "last night out". It was her bachelorette party. We had a blast doing silly things girls do. I met a group of Heather's friends that are so charming. It was a wonderful day AND NIGHT.
Sunday June 21 I woke up at 6:50 because the light was shining in my eyes, known as the sun. It was Father's Day, time to truck it back to Louisiana. The day was all about Jude. We went to his parents house in the evening and I fried shrimp to make shrimp poboys. It was a relaxing day with our Daddy.
Monday June 22 we went to a Gymrompers event with our MF's. The boys let out a lot of energy and I was "in a mood". Roman had a fruit snack stuck in his hair as we were leaving, fixed that, got in the car, drove away, and realized Roman didn't have shoes on his feet. It was one of those days. When the evening time came, it was my time to kick back and relax with my MF's and spouses. We went to a local pub and the few of us that showed up, had a nice time. I was still feeling a bit funky from the morning. Maybe it was because my PMS was coming. Or maybe it was because...
Tuesday June 23 it was Brandi's 31st birthday. I woke up, looked at the date, and felt miserable. I remember saying at her funeral service over and over (I was a bit intoxicated, I admit it) that she wasn't even thirty yet. For some reason, that really bothered me. So on her thirty first birthday, I kept thinking of all the stuff she could have accomplished by the age of thirty one, had Leo just left her and not murdered her. So I was bummed. Sometime in the morning my grandmother called me and she was in a pissy mood. It was totally the wrong day to call me with harsh words. Felt even funkier after that. Then, added to it all, some other personal event had came about from Monday and that had me in a whirlwind. I was sad, hurt, confused, mourning, angry, and a bunch of other emotions, all at the same time. I pretty much slept the whole day, dozing off and on.
Wednesday June 24 came and I couldn't make it to my MF's playdate. I was still feeling blue and detached. Amy took it for me and organized it. I stayed in my little funk.
Thursday June 25 I woke up feeling great! I announced to all the members of my mommy group I was leaving the group. I cleaned the house all day and adored my boys. Jude came home and we went to the gym together. I hadn't done that in almost two months and I have gained ten pounds:( I am ready to get back into that workout routine!
Friday June 26 is here and my good friend Heather is getting married tonight to a great guy named Eric. I am sure there will be plenty of photos to follow...
So the wedding was fantastic and Jude and I both had a great time with our friends.
Between then and now, I would say a lot more has happened. Jude turned 34 on Saturday, June 27.
We had a fun family day with the kids. Life is good at home!
As far as leaving the MMM group, well, I have a lot of reasons for doing it.
Not all, and in no order...
--I joined the group almost three years ago and attended many, many meetups. Amy and I are two out of maybe five that are left from the first few days of the group starting. At some point, all moms will have to walk away from the group. It's inevitable. My time was now.
--Aiden is four and Cullen is nine. Summer is here, and as many moms have their children in some kind of preschool or summer camp, I do not. The stress of bringing a nine year old to a Gymrompers playdate and having to "let" him play is immense. I can't exactly ask him to sit in the corner for a few hours while his brothers play. A good bit of moms are fine with him there, but there are also the few that looked totally shocked. I hate that feeling. (They know who they are and I am sure it is no one reading this blog!) One day, you will know what I am speaking of if you haven't had to experience it already.
--Aiden is always one of the oldest kids at the playdates when Cullen is not with me. He is fiery and has a temper and can often be hard to tolerate some days (this coming from his mother). For the moms that haven't had to deal with a screaming four year old toddler, it too can be shocking and jaw dropping for them. You know the look you get in the grocery store when your child is screaming crying and you just want to run out because everyone is looking in your direction; well it sucks when the people looking at you are other moms. You hope that they would understand, but then you realize many haven't experienced these moments yet.
--Ever try watching two or three kids at an event with twenty other children running around? Try it. It's impossible.
--When I joined the group three years ago, I thought Chuck E Cheese was the only thing to do in our metro area. After being a member of a great group, I have realized that there are beaucoup things to do in and around town.
--Three years ago, I may have needed advice on teething, sickness, sleepless nights, or how to potty train a toddler. After the two years of potty training with no success for my middle son, I realize there is no amount of advice that anyone can give that will change the current situation. I have to really focus on him at this time and get this situation right before school begins. For all the other advice, there's doctors.
--When I joined the group, I knew no one in the area. This is where the group really comes in handy for moms. I have made plenty of friends over the past three years to keep for a lifetime. I feel surrounded by friends in my area now, from inside and outside the group.
--This is where it gets sticky. The last few events I hosted as an event organizer, the RSVP count got high, and the closer the date of the event came, the lower the RSVP count got. My last few events (I'll say four) had the same few people out of 80+ members show. I started to take it personally and started wondering why. Who wouldn't? To this day, I am not sure why, but it doesn't bother me as much not being a member of the group. All I could do then, was guess. I do not like all the conclusions I came to. It can make someone feel insecure. It was my time to move on.
--A few years ago, the group was a very eclectic group of moms. I really enjoyed that. It was easy to sit with another mom and spend an hour or two in some type of in-depth conversation. As of now, the group is so large, you only get to graze the outside of a person. It is less intimate. I only know this because I have something else to compare it to. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing at all. It's all in personal preference.
--All in all, I feel it was my time to leave. I have three crazy boys that give me lots of entertainment and we bring the party with us. It's not like we go places unnoticed:) That can be a good thing (or a bad thing).
--As for the timing and leaving so suddenly, it was truly a personal decision; I woke up one morning and felt it was best. Amy and I joined together as best friends, and we left together. Had I given a months notice, I would have prolonged the event, or maybe even reconsidered. I knew I was doing what was right for myself and I am happy with the decision I made.
Mommy and me groups are great! I suggest every mom participate in one. If the first one isn't a good fit, try again. The experience is worth it! (Especially if you are a new parent!)
So after leaving the group, there was almost an immediate void in my life. It has nothing to do with doubting my decision, but merely the fact that this was my lifestyle for so long and there was a loss after. I felt a hole that needed filling and I decided to take up sewing. I also purchased a camera to take up some more technical photography. I plan to explore these new ventures with my children at my side instead of organizing a mommy group. I am sure a lot of people are not aware of just how much time goes into organizing, but just ask any other organizer on a bad day and they will fill you in. lol I spend way less time on the computer these days and have less worry in my life. There are lots of issues you worry about in that spot, though we probably shouldn't. What do you expect? We're women.
I also thought for a few days that I wanted to move outside of the city, where land is cheaper and the houses are bigger. I may have had Jude signed up, also. Then, I made that important choice that I struggle with often, to just be happy with what I have. I do not want to move Cullen to a new neighborhood, to a new school, again. Growing up, I went to many different schools and moved a few times and I do not wish that on anyone else, though sometimes it was even my own choice at a young age. I wish I had stayed in one neighborhood, in one school system, and "grew up" with people. Here goes:
First and Second grade, I went to private L.O.
Third and Fourth, I went to public B.E.
Fifth, I went to private L.O. again and then, halfway through, moved to MS and went to public H.N.C., where I stayed for Sixth also
Seventh I moved back to LA and went to public T.M. for a few months
I moved back to MS for the rest of Seventh and went to public H.N.C., again
I stayed there for Eighth and Ninth
Then, I moved to another part of town and went to public B.H.S. for the remainder.
Why, you may ask. Many different reasons. Never the same.
College was the same way. I have always been a sort of a nomad. No real roots anywhere, though I do have a town in MS that I like to call my home. I like(d) new experiences. I like learning my way around new towns. I get bored easily. I like(d) to move. I liked being able to learn different lifestyles. You could put me in a designer dress at a fancy dinner and I would blend. You could then put me in the country at a party out on the farm, and the same would apply. I could ride the streets of the wrong side of the tracks and walk downtown alone, and I always felt like I could blend and feel comfortable. I think that is why I am so not a judgemental person; from previous life experiences. Looking back, I wish I had real roots somewhere. I want my children to have that. Roots!
I have so much more to type but it is now 3:18 in the morning and Roman is wide awake. Another reason I haven't really been blogging is I am trying to stay away from long periods on the computer. During the day, the kids keep me stretched, and at night, Jude is home and I feel like I am stealing time from him. Here it is, in the early hours of the morning, I try to relax and do some typing therapy and one child is NOT having it.
I hope I still feel this urgency to type tomorrow and can finish up the random thoughts in my head. As for now, GOODNIGHT!
Notes for tomorrow:
Potty doctor
The phone call to my father
Real friendships
More kids?
A house, a home
Monday, April 20, 2009
What's up?!
I haven't been blogging much lately, but not without good reason.
My laptop computer went in to the Best Buy Geek Squad for repairs a few weeks ago because the screen was acting funny. The top apparently was loose from the computer and needed fixing. The screen would fade away and freeze up. I dropped my baby off without backing any information up because it was just a simple screen repair. Right? Wrong. I got it back the day after we returned from vacation and they informed me then that my hard drive was apparently failing also and they replaced the entire hard drive. WTF?! Then the girl says, "I hope you have a disk with everything backed up on it because it is blank now." No programs, no internet, no data. Zilch. Zero. Nadda. I was so mad at myself (at first) for not backing it up. Later, I was mad at BB for not informing me prior to doing this. I logged on to HP.com and found a disk that I ordered for $16 that is supposed to return it to my original purchase state. That, I have been working on all night so all is not clear yet.
My camera is broke. Again. This time it is something different. I take a picture and the screen has stripes across it. The picture, when printed, does also. Now that must go back to BB for repairs. Thank God I usually buy the damn service plans there.
My credit card number was stolen this past week from my Chase cc and I found out Thursday (the day after we got back from vacation). I received an automated phone call asking me to call Chase because of some recent transactions. I called, and some crook in the past few days had used my card for:
$1.00 pending for a Record Store
$197.00 for a Paypal transaction to a BrendaMeyer
$2413.13 pending for Apple
Chase closed the account and they are issuing me a new card. They said I will not be responsible for the charges and I have to fill out some paperwork for the fraud department. Great!!
Jude has been on vacation from work, and today was his first day back there. I am a big silly baby and am missing him already. I am sitting here watching my computer download, like I have been doing for the past few hours. Fingers crossed this works.
As for the boys, well, they are good.
Aiden didn't sleep for me last night which made me a little unhappy but we are going to make up for it tonight (fingers crossed still).
Cullen has been so mouthy lately I think he forgot who is the parent and who is the child. He has been a handful!
Roman is Roman. Still has a knot on his head from the FQ Festival we attended Friday. I think he is going to transform into a beautiful unicorn any day now.
Did I say they are good? I take that back. lol
As I am sitting here typing this, I am thinking about the bad luck that followed me the day after we got back from vacation. This is all too familiar! (Brandi.)
I hope to be blogging regularly again SOON! It is very therapeutic.
Goodnight.
My laptop computer went in to the Best Buy Geek Squad for repairs a few weeks ago because the screen was acting funny. The top apparently was loose from the computer and needed fixing. The screen would fade away and freeze up. I dropped my baby off without backing any information up because it was just a simple screen repair. Right? Wrong. I got it back the day after we returned from vacation and they informed me then that my hard drive was apparently failing also and they replaced the entire hard drive. WTF?! Then the girl says, "I hope you have a disk with everything backed up on it because it is blank now." No programs, no internet, no data. Zilch. Zero. Nadda. I was so mad at myself (at first) for not backing it up. Later, I was mad at BB for not informing me prior to doing this. I logged on to HP.com and found a disk that I ordered for $16 that is supposed to return it to my original purchase state. That, I have been working on all night so all is not clear yet.
My camera is broke. Again. This time it is something different. I take a picture and the screen has stripes across it. The picture, when printed, does also. Now that must go back to BB for repairs. Thank God I usually buy the damn service plans there.
My credit card number was stolen this past week from my Chase cc and I found out Thursday (the day after we got back from vacation). I received an automated phone call asking me to call Chase because of some recent transactions. I called, and some crook in the past few days had used my card for:
$1.00 pending for a Record Store
$197.00 for a Paypal transaction to a BrendaMeyer
$2413.13 pending for Apple
Chase closed the account and they are issuing me a new card. They said I will not be responsible for the charges and I have to fill out some paperwork for the fraud department. Great!!
Jude has been on vacation from work, and today was his first day back there. I am a big silly baby and am missing him already. I am sitting here watching my computer download, like I have been doing for the past few hours. Fingers crossed this works.
As for the boys, well, they are good.
Aiden didn't sleep for me last night which made me a little unhappy but we are going to make up for it tonight (fingers crossed still).
Cullen has been so mouthy lately I think he forgot who is the parent and who is the child. He has been a handful!
Roman is Roman. Still has a knot on his head from the FQ Festival we attended Friday. I think he is going to transform into a beautiful unicorn any day now.
Did I say they are good? I take that back. lol
As I am sitting here typing this, I am thinking about the bad luck that followed me the day after we got back from vacation. This is all too familiar! (Brandi.)
I hope to be blogging regularly again SOON! It is very therapeutic.
Goodnight.
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