If I die before I wake...

Who in the hell is going to take care of my four boys?! (Well, Jude would have to have died too, of course.) Assuming Cullen's dad is still alive, he would want Cullen. That leaves three boys (whom I wouldn't want to separate in the first place). Jude and I have discussed this time and time again, and it's not that we don't agree on anyone, we just have no idea WHO to choose. It would be like a death sentence to whomever we picked. No winning! Both sets of our parents are in their mid-sixties and three out of four are handicapped to some degree from accidents or past surgeries. I feel as if we would be ruining their lives. I know we would. Jude is an only child, and I have one older sister. To say we are not close is an understatement. She doesn't even like to hold my boys at holidays because "they're germ carriers". She has one teenage son who is almost out of the house. She's done. So here I am, laying in bed, wondering about the worst case scenario. Both sets of our parents have said that they would want them, but how do you choose? When you do decide, do you tell the set that you didn't pick, or do you wait until you are dead and gone, then cause them more pain? How do you even start to create a custody arrangement on children YOU chose to have? Our parents would all be eighty-something before the last boy left the house. That's insane to think about! I'm looking for that magic answer and wasting time as the years go by with no legal plan. Any ideas or advice? Any takers? <---That was a joke!

THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT MEN IN MY LIFE!