Re-parenting

*This blog isn't written by me only to remember the good times. It is a daily record of our life...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The chaos and tantrums have been taken down a few notches in the past few days and it is sweeeeeet! The past two days Jude's been home and we have been trying out some new parenting strategies. A few weeks back I was watching Dr. Phil (don't laugh!) and they had a show on about parent/child relationships. It was basically about controlling your children without yelling or spanking. Now, I honestly yell. Hello?! I have three boys, ages three, five, and ten. It seems there is always chaos in our home. Let me state for the record, my yells, according to my friends, are not mean or intimidating, but I yell, raise my voice, none the less. Jude does too. It is something we are not proud of, but the kids drive us nuts at times. Fights, demands, whining, not obeying, not eating, not going to bed, etc. are many of the reasons, and that's X 3. The thing I have to remind myself of is, they are not deaf. Just because I say it louder doesn't mean it sinks in more. I have also spanked a few times, not beaten, when all else has failed and it is something I hate doing but it is always in the middle of that very heated moment. Anyway, back to what I was saying, I ordered this book titled "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions" by Michele Borba, and it came in the mail recently. I purchased "Family First" by Dr. Phil, too.

I also caught another show on Dr. Phil the other day about controlling the chaos with young children. I made Jude watch the DVR episodes with me. Aiden has fits, tantrums, and during the summer, there are way more than during the school year. I will let him debate me till the sun goes down. I will argue like I'm five, give in at times because I feel it's not worth the battle, and ignore him the other half of the time while he does these ear piercing screams that truly hurt my ears. Nothing is consistent, I admit that. (There are happy times, too!!) So we are BOTH working on consistency, not yelling, positive reinforcement, redirecting, and enforcing the same rules, even if it makes us sound like a broken record. What ever happened to the phrase "I'm not a record, I don't repeat myself"? So last night I bought a timer and when Aiden tries to throw a tantrum, doesn't obey, or is outright ugly, he ends up in the hallway corner with "Mr. Timer" on for a minute.

That minute can be added on to. The key to this technique working is being consistent. I have praised them so many times in the past few days, it's sick.
"Good job for eating all your food."
"You make mommy so happy by staying in your bed."
"What a wonderful job you are doing."
"You two are playing so nice together, it just warms mommy's heart."
"I love the way you are helping me. Thank you."
And so on, and so on...
When things have just seemed to be so out of our control, I am hoping this is an answer to my many prayers. Sometimes, we lose control of our house. Sad, but true. We get tired, or overworked, lazy, whatever, and it happens. I am, scratch that, we are trying to take back control of our house this summer. I am very fortunate that Jude and I are on this path together. He is trying just as hard as I am. When I feel I am losing it, he steps in and corrects them, and vice versa. That is really nice, as I am usually the enforcer around here. Daddy is the nice guy that comes home from work and plays with them, bathes them, and puts them to bed with sweet stories. I am the lunatic that corrects them, punishes them, and makes them behave. Oh, I also feed them, clothe them, taxi them around town, entertain them, and so forth, but no one ever acknowledges the nice things I do. lol Oh, the life of a mom!
Now, can Dr. Phil really change lives?? hahaha