Family

Definition-
a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race

There are many definitions for family but this one is most fitting at the moment. My dad's brother's son, which makes this person my first cousin, contacted me through Facebook a few days ago. The last time I spoke to my first cousin was probably twenty plus years ago. The inner feelings are swirling and I am about to babble on. Now, if you know all my business, you know my father and I have not had a close relationship. When he and my mother divorced, I was about eight, and she got the kids, literally. My father is not much of a family man, and I am not sure if it is personal choice or if he was just raised that way, doesn't know any better and just hasn't changed. I really haven't figured him out. I was once a daddy's girl when I was little. He hung the moon when my parents were married. Things changed after my parent's separation. As a child, you expect to be a priority in your parents life and it was never that way for us with him. I stopped speaking to my father when I was about the age of 18 because I felt like I was always getting let down by him. I just decided to not have him in my life by not calling him. It was really that simple because he didn't really pursue a relationship with me. Maybe a card or two over the twelve years with my name misspelled on it, but that was really it. I am sure he will say he was just respecting my wishes. He did get updates from my sister, I suppose. They still talked. I could write a book on all that goes into it, and maybe one day I will for only my children to have so they will know all their mom's history, but it is a really long story with lots of minor details and for the most part, one sided and uninteresting. He wasn't abusive or anything, I just want to clear that up. So, not having my father in my life also consisted of not having his parents (my grandparents) in my life or any of my father's family for that matter. Aunt, uncle, cousins, all that jazz. When you are younger, things like that do not really matter to you at the time. Life is so busy when you are young with girlfriends and boyfriends and discovering who YOU are. But then there comes a time in one's life that you marry, have kids of your own, and then start to wonder about your own childhood, family, history, etc. I decided to accept my father for who he was, because you can't change people, and have him back in my life, if he would have me. I called him on Father's Day two years ago and just said "Hey, how's it going?". I am sure he was expecting my call because of my big mouthed sister informing him, so he was not so caught off guard. We chatted and we speak every so often on the phone. There is so much I do not know about my dad and his side of the family that I am sure I will never know. His mother is still alive, though I haven't spoken to her, and his brother just passed away a few months ago (my uncle). My father remarried a few years after my parents divorced and didn't have any more children. My mother also remarried when I was 18 and she gained a twenty something year old stepson. I called my stepdad, Dad, for many years. When I realized he was no better or worse than my own biological father, just very different, I realized you just have to accept people for the way they are. That's about the time I picked the phone up and called Mike, my real father. Of course I didn't learn any of these lessons until I was entering my thirties, but I am glad I did, even then, because I am now open to a relationship with all of my family. I don't know where the past umpteen years have gone, but it is nice to see my father's side of the family in pictures (on FB and picture sites from my first cousin) and to have contact with my cousin that I remember visiting when I was young. I hope to get to know him better and maybe get to learn a little more about my father's side.