Thursday June 18 I had my hair tended to, which was so nice. I love my hair girl! Then we had a girls night. It was a celebration for Heather's 30th birthday.
Friday June 19 we played at Amy's with the Kreemer's. I was so tired but the boys had a blast. They have the cutest friendships. That night, Jude and I were kid free for the night because Saturday I had to wake up early, so we went to Appleebee's for cheap dinner. I treasure my alone time with Jude.
Saturday June 20 I went to the Gulf Coast for Heather's "last night out". It was her bachelorette party. We had a blast doing silly things girls do. I met a group of Heather's friends that are so charming. It was a wonderful day AND NIGHT.
Sunday June 21 I woke up at 6:50 because the light was shining in my eyes, known as the sun. It was Father's Day, time to truck it back to Louisiana. The day was all about Jude. We went to his parents house in the evening and I fried shrimp to make shrimp poboys. It was a relaxing day with our Daddy.
Monday June 22 we went to a Gymrompers event with our MF's. The boys let out a lot of energy and I was "in a mood". Roman had a fruit snack stuck in his hair as we were leaving, fixed that, got in the car, drove away, and realized Roman didn't have shoes on his feet. It was one of those days. When the evening time came, it was my time to kick back and relax with my MF's and spouses. We went to a local pub and the few of us that showed up, had a nice time. I was still feeling a bit funky from the morning. Maybe it was because my PMS was coming. Or maybe it was because...
Tuesday June 23 it was Brandi's 31st birthday. I woke up, looked at the date, and felt miserable. I remember saying at her funeral service over and over (I was a bit intoxicated, I admit it) that she wasn't even thirty yet. For some reason, that really bothered me. So on her thirty first birthday, I kept thinking of all the stuff she could have accomplished by the age of thirty one, had Leo just left her and not murdered her. So I was bummed. Sometime in the morning my grandmother called me and she was in a pissy mood. It was totally the wrong day to call me with harsh words. Felt even funkier after that. Then, added to it all, some other personal event had came about from Monday and that had me in a whirlwind. I was sad, hurt, confused, mourning, angry, and a bunch of other emotions, all at the same time. I pretty much slept the whole day, dozing off and on.
Wednesday June 24 came and I couldn't make it to my MF's playdate. I was still feeling blue and detached. Amy took it for me and organized it. I stayed in my little funk.
Thursday June 25 I woke up feeling great! I announced to all the members of my mommy group I was leaving the group. I cleaned the house all day and adored my boys. Jude came home and we went to the gym together. I hadn't done that in almost two months and I have gained ten pounds:( I am ready to get back into that workout routine!
Friday June 26 is here and my good friend Heather is getting married tonight to a great guy named Eric. I am sure there will be plenty of photos to follow...
So the wedding was fantastic and Jude and I both had a great time with our friends.
Between then and now, I would say a lot more has happened. Jude turned 34 on Saturday, June 27.
We had a fun family day with the kids. Life is good at home!
As far as leaving the MMM group, well, I have a lot of reasons for doing it.
Not all, and in no order...
--I joined the group almost three years ago and attended many, many meetups. Amy and I are two out of maybe five that are left from the first few days of the group starting. At some point, all moms will have to walk away from the group. It's inevitable. My time was now.
--Aiden is four and Cullen is nine. Summer is here, and as many moms have their children in some kind of preschool or summer camp, I do not. The stress of bringing a nine year old to a Gymrompers playdate and having to "let" him play is immense. I can't exactly ask him to sit in the corner for a few hours while his brothers play. A good bit of moms are fine with him there, but there are also the few that looked totally shocked. I hate that feeling. (They know who they are and I am sure it is no one reading this blog!) One day, you will know what I am speaking of if you haven't had to experience it already.
--Aiden is always one of the oldest kids at the playdates when Cullen is not with me. He is fiery and has a temper and can often be hard to tolerate some days (this coming from his mother). For the moms that haven't had to deal with a screaming four year old toddler, it too can be shocking and jaw dropping for them. You know the look you get in the grocery store when your child is screaming crying and you just want to run out because everyone is looking in your direction; well it sucks when the people looking at you are other moms. You hope that they would understand, but then you realize many haven't experienced these moments yet.
--Ever try watching two or three kids at an event with twenty other children running around? Try it. It's impossible.
--When I joined the group three years ago, I thought Chuck E Cheese was the only thing to do in our metro area. After being a member of a great group, I have realized that there are beaucoup things to do in and around town.
--Three years ago, I may have needed advice on teething, sickness, sleepless nights, or how to potty train a toddler. After the two years of potty training with no success for my middle son, I realize there is no amount of advice that anyone can give that will change the current situation. I have to really focus on him at this time and get this situation right before school begins. For all the other advice, there's doctors.
--When I joined the group, I knew no one in the area. This is where the group really comes in handy for moms. I have made plenty of friends over the past three years to keep for a lifetime. I feel surrounded by friends in my area now, from inside and outside the group.
--This is where it gets sticky. The last few events I hosted as an event organizer, the RSVP count got high, and the closer the date of the event came, the lower the RSVP count got. My last few events (I'll say four) had the same few people out of 80+ members show. I started to take it personally and started wondering why. Who wouldn't? To this day, I am not sure why, but it doesn't bother me as much not being a member of the group. All I could do then, was guess. I do not like all the conclusions I came to. It can make someone feel insecure. It was my time to move on.
--A few years ago, the group was a very eclectic group of moms. I really enjoyed that. It was easy to sit with another mom and spend an hour or two in some type of in-depth conversation. As of now, the group is so large, you only get to graze the outside of a person. It is less intimate. I only know this because I have something else to compare it to. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing at all. It's all in personal preference.
--All in all, I feel it was my time to leave. I have three crazy boys that give me lots of entertainment and we bring the party with us. It's not like we go places unnoticed:) That can be a good thing (or a bad thing).
--As for the timing and leaving so suddenly, it was truly a personal decision; I woke up one morning and felt it was best. Amy and I joined together as best friends, and we left together. Had I given a months notice, I would have prolonged the event, or maybe even reconsidered. I knew I was doing what was right for myself and I am happy with the decision I made.
Mommy and me groups are great! I suggest every mom participate in one. If the first one isn't a good fit, try again. The experience is worth it! (Especially if you are a new parent!)
So after leaving the group, there was almost an immediate void in my life. It has nothing to do with doubting my decision, but merely the fact that this was my lifestyle for so long and there was a loss after. I felt a hole that needed filling and I decided to take up sewing. I also purchased a camera to take up some more technical photography. I plan to explore these new ventures with my children at my side instead of organizing a mommy group. I am sure a lot of people are not aware of just how much time goes into organizing, but just ask any other organizer on a bad day and they will fill you in. lol I spend way less time on the computer these days and have less worry in my life. There are lots of issues you worry about in that spot, though we probably shouldn't. What do you expect? We're women.
I also thought for a few days that I wanted to move outside of the city, where land is cheaper and the houses are bigger. I may have had Jude signed up, also. Then, I made that important choice that I struggle with often, to just be happy with what I have. I do not want to move Cullen to a new neighborhood, to a new school, again. Growing up, I went to many different schools and moved a few times and I do not wish that on anyone else, though sometimes it was even my own choice at a young age. I wish I had stayed in one neighborhood, in one school system, and "grew up" with people. Here goes:
First and Second grade, I went to private L.O.
Third and Fourth, I went to public B.E.
Fifth, I went to private L.O. again and then, halfway through, moved to MS and went to public H.N.C., where I stayed for Sixth also
Seventh I moved back to LA and went to public T.M. for a few months
I moved back to MS for the rest of Seventh and went to public H.N.C., again
I stayed there for Eighth and Ninth
Then, I moved to another part of town and went to public B.H.S. for the remainder.
Why, you may ask. Many different reasons. Never the same.
College was the same way. I have always been a sort of a nomad. No real roots anywhere, though I do have a town in MS that I like to call my home. I like(d) new experiences. I like learning my way around new towns. I get bored easily. I like(d) to move. I liked being able to learn different lifestyles. You could put me in a designer dress at a fancy dinner and I would blend. You could then put me in the country at a party out on the farm, and the same would apply. I could ride the streets of the wrong side of the tracks and walk downtown alone, and I always felt like I could blend and feel comfortable. I think that is why I am so not a judgemental person; from previous life experiences. Looking back, I wish I had real roots somewhere. I want my children to have that. Roots!
I have so much more to type but it is now 3:18 in the morning and Roman is wide awake. Another reason I haven't really been blogging is I am trying to stay away from long periods on the computer. During the day, the kids keep me stretched, and at night, Jude is home and I feel like I am stealing time from him. Here it is, in the early hours of the morning, I try to relax and do some typing therapy and one child is NOT having it.
I hope I still feel this urgency to type tomorrow and can finish up the random thoughts in my head. As for now, GOODNIGHT!
Notes for tomorrow:
Potty doctor
The phone call to my father
Real friendships
More kids?
A house, a home
5 comments:
Wow, Andrea, you have had a lot going on. *hugs* to you.... We have similar issues with the Mom's group here. Lots of RSVP's, then they dwindle to three or less. Many events are cancelled. And there are so many new people and sadly, cliques. I have thought about leaving too because I have been there for 3 years but I often feel like an outsider at the meetups! Sorry to take over but your group was not alone!
thank you for catching us up!! I missed and miss you.
I will go where you go, stick by your side, explore new hobbies together, whatever. It is what best friends do. (If you start talking bridge jumping then you're on your own)
Many won't understand but I could have never of stayed without you. It just wouldn't have felt right!! Love you and understand you.
Ames.
I knew you had to have a lot on your mind. I recently shut down my mom's group. Attendance was very low and I was getting tired of rolling eyes and looks every time Sean had a tantrum, didn't share, etc. Some of these moms with "perfect" kids, made me feel horrible and I finally had enough. Sean is high spirited which, at times, drives me nuts, but it makes him who he is. He will go through life being heard and not with a whimper. I now try to surround myself with women who support each other and don't judge.
Love ya!!
AMEN!
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